How Not to Slay a Dragon
by Saij Spellhart
Summary: Nino is a dragon slayer, on a mission to slay a beastly golden dragon and return it's head for gold. Adrien, a young and naive dragon, has never met a human before. Raised on horror stories, he wasn't sure what to expect when a human finally did enter his lair.
1. Chapter 1

**An AU I wrote for Lunian on tumblr. In which Nino is a dragon slayer and Adrien is the naive, friendly, and unexpectedly attractive dragon that Nino was supposed to slay. For now its a two-shot story, but I might be inclined to continue it if people really like it. **

* * *

Nino fell to the ground gasping. His lungs aching for air, and every intake of breath straining his chest muscles.

_This was it. This was how he would die. _

A long shadow fell over him, toxic green eyes boring into his soul.

In all his years as a dragon-slayer he had never begged for mercy. He had always been the champion, the victor. The one that triumphed over mere beasts. To fall this far... how did it happen?

The green-eyed devil slithered ever closer, it's lips peeling back to reveal rows upon rows of fangs, small and sharp as knives, meant for cutting flesh and rending it from bone.

One out-stretched arm came for him, retractable claws bared at the ends of giant cat-like paws.

He couldn't take anymore, he would rather beg for mercy then continue on as this foul creature's plaything.

"Please!" Nino gasped, kicking bits of treasure and attempting to crawl away. "Please stop!"

His cries fell upon deaf ears, just as dragon paws descended upon his torso.

"Adrien! No!" Nino screamed as he began writhing in the gold again, laughter exploding from his chest against his will.

The dragon was relentless, knowing just how to manipulate his claws and toe-beans to tickle the dragon-slayer, rather than maim him.

"Say it!" the dragon snarled.

"Alright! Alright!" Nino shrieked, clawing at the gold but feeling the coins ultimately give under his hands. "We go! Wegowegowegowego!"

The dragon released him, settling back on its haunches in victory and howling a thunderous, "Yesssss!" It was enough to shake the ruins, and make the pillars tremble.

Ashamed and exhausted, Nino collapsed into the gold, two seconds from sobbing. His lungs struggling to push and pull air, and his heart hammering around his ribcage like a smithy.

"This..." he puffed, "is going... to end very... badly."

"Don't be such a pessimist," said Adrien. He stretched his large body out across the piles gold next to Nino and began rolling around, displacing large quantities of coins.

"Dude, someone needs to counter balance your unyielding optimism." Nino sat up and began picking gold coins from his pauldrons, and anywhere else the coins had decided to go. When he shifted his hips he felt some things move that shouldn't ought to be moving like that.

_Swell, they're in my pants too. _He eyed the large golden beast next to him, and tried to discreetly dig coins out of his crotch.

Luckily Adrien didn't notice, too busy basking in his victory.

"So what's the plan, bro?" He dug the last coin from his pants and hurled it at Adrien, catching the dragon in the ear with it. "The moment we enter a human town, with you looking like... this," He gestured to all of Adrien, "they are going to brandish sword and pitch fork, and if they don't chase you off, they will kill you. Worst case scenario, I'm forced to kill you."

"You wouldn't kill me~" Adrien sang, rolling on to his back and curling his head around to give Nino a big pair of kitten eyes.

"I don't want to kill you, but you'd put me in a position where my only choice would be that, or face execution."

Adrien rose off the ground to his full height, which actually wasn't all that large for a dragon. He was only the length of two horses, not counting his serpentine tail, and as a quadruped he didn't stand much taller than one horse. Although if he stood up on his hind legs he was towering.

He was sleek and feline-esque, with lithe toned muscles under beautiful golden fur. No wings, or spikes, or horns, Adrien was the most beautiful and beast-like dragon Nino had ever encountered, and it would've been a damn shame of slay something so majestic.

Adrien was also the friendliest and most naive dragon that Nino had ever encountered, which led them to their current predicament. Adrien wanted to go see a human town.._. full of humans._

"_This,"_ large claws thrust themselves into Nino's field of vision, showing off a large black Damascus steel band.

"What's this?" Nino didn't dare touch it in case it was cursed, or enchanted. He glanced between the band and Adrien who was grinning widely.

"It's an enchanted ring," he explained. "Some rings grant power, invisibility, or invulnerability. This one will make me appear and feel human."

Nino stared down at the black band dubiously, "that is no ring, bro. That's like a bangle, or a circlet."

Adrien stuck out his tongue, and wrinkled his snout. "It's not meant for humans, it's meant for dragons." And with that he slipped the band over the middle toe on his right paw.

At first nothing appeared to happen, the ring was a little big on Adrien, and wasn't suited for feline paws anyway. But after a minute, the swirling pattern on the ring trembled, and came alive.

Where Nino had expected some flashy glow of bright white light, instead he saw bubbling black acid, it seemed to ooze up from the ring and crawl over Adrien's fur. It enveloped the dragon's body like some nightmarish horror, and ate away the dragon's size and shape.

Nino had no words, he honestly feared for his friend's life. And if he hadn't been scared into a state of paralysis he might've thrown himself on the dragon and ripped the ring off its paw.

Adrien didn't make a sound, the acidic bubbling black covering his body never made a sound. Smaller and smaller the dragon's form shrank, until he was shorter than Nino, and quickly enough, the black ooze bubbled itself out and evaporated into thin air.

All the golden fur was gone.

Well most of it.

It was reduced to an unruly gold mop on the top of a young man's head. ...And also his crotch.

Nino swallowed, and tried to keep his eyes above the belt. _Bringing a whole new meaning to the term, cash and prizes. _

Skin, pale, perfect, creamy skin, like the fresh cow's milk delivered to his doorstep every morning. Swooping aristocratic nose, lean but lithe body, and thighs... thighs for days.

_Look at his face you heathen! _Nino dragged his eyes back up to meet Adrien's cheerful and hopeful expression. Beautiful wheatgrass green irides blinked back at him under full blonde-tipped lashes.

"How do I look Nino? Am I human enough now?" And when he opened his mouth and spoke, there were fangs.

Nino swallowed... _painfully. "_No-not quite."

Adrien frowned at that. His neat blonde brows stitching together in frustration. He turned and marched across the gold, giving Nino an eyeful of his exposed backside.

_Oh god, even his ass is perfect. _He could feel his skin growing hot under all his clothing and armor, and hoped to god his dark skin color concealed the blush that was surely erupting all over his cheeks.

Adrien bent and collected a polished silver mirror from the hoard and stared into it.

"Well, I don't see what the matter is, Nino. I look human to _me." _He came marching back to the dragon-slayer, eyes glued to the mirror in his hands.

"Humans, don't have uh... sharp teeth," Nino fumbled, trying to look anywhere besides the very naked male in front of him, and failing.

Adrien pulled back his lip with a finger, and ran a long tongue over his canines. "It's not so bad."

"You also have pointed ears, slitted pupils, and claws, Dude. You have _claws_."

The former dragon inspected his hands, holding them up to admire the little pointed claws on the tip of each finger. "All the better to tickle you with." He grinned impishly.

"No bro!" Nino yelled. "Humans don't look like that!"

All at once Adrien's expression fell, and he crumpled in on himself like a wounded animal. Where once there had been pride and confidence, there was suddenly modesty and shame. His arms crossed over his naked torso, clutching his shoulders.

"Am I hideous?"

_Hell no! _and Nino realized a dragon would have no understanding of human beauty standards. Looking _different_ to Adrien would translate as looking ugly.

"You-you're handsome, just different," Nino tried to explain.

"Am I too different?"

"Nope!" He squeaked. "You'll be fine. We can make this work."

"Really?" Adrien looked up at him again with hopeful eyes, and Nino found himself nervously adjusting his spectacles.

"Yeah, can we just... maybe get you some clothes, Dude? A shirt, some pants, shoes, maybe some gloves. You'll be looking fine—_human_ in no time."

"Oh I got clothes covered," He winked playfully and Nino. "I have chests full of human clothes. It's one of my favorite things to hoard."

Regretfully Nino watched Adrien march off across the gold, once again giving the dragon-slayer a full view.

_Oh god, I'm gay now... _He tried to remind himself that Adrien was actually a dragon, a big furry, beast-like dragon, with claws and teeth, and a luxurious tail. Nino swallowed and his throat felt tight and dry. _And... I'm also a furry. _Or was he a scalie? How did one classify in this situation? Adrien may have been a dragon but he definitely didn't have any scales.

"Hey Nino!" Adrien called across the room, from the other side of the hoard pile. "What dress should I wear? I have this pretty red one with lace and corset. But I also have this lovely green one. It's got trailing sleeves and ruffles!"

It took longer than Nino would have liked to make the gears in his head switch from introspection to what ever the hell Adrien was going on about.

"I'm rather partial to ruffles," he added.

Finally Nino's brain registered what Adrien was attempting to wear. Ears burning hotly, imagination running wild with mental images, Nino bit the inside of his cheek and started over the mound of gold. Hoping beyond hope that Adrien didn't take notice of the problem in his trousers.

"Do you have anything besides expensive dresses?"

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**This was part of a writing collab I participated in on AO3, and im posting it here on its own now. Art for this AU can be found on my tumblr, and deviantart, as well as my Instagram. My username is the same on all the platforms. **


	2. Chapter 2

"Humans don't wear these kinds of dresses?" Adrien gaped at Nino in horror, as if the slayer's words were not only shocking, but dream crushing.

"Not everyday." Nino replied, shaking his head. _Or this century_, but no point in telling Adrien that or he'd probably want to buy expensive women's clothes and there was no way Nino could explain that to nosy shopkeepers. "Most clothes are a bit more simple. You need to be able to move and work in them, not worry that they'll be irreparably damaged or horribly stained."

"Oh." He frowned down at his makeshift ruffled skirt, the lithe muscles of his stomach tensing as he swiveled his hips and set the fabric of the skirt swaying. "But I like this one."

Adrien was going to be the death of him someday. Nino wasn't sure what would do him in first: His insatiable curiosity or his beauty, and while Nino was well-aquatinted with swords and shields, today his weapon of choice for staving off death would apparently be a pair of trousers.

Nino cast his eyes up and prayed for mercy before turning to the chests piled up against the wall.

"I trust you not to dress me like a fool." Adrien sniffed, eyeing the plain brown paints and the white linen shirt with thinly veiled disgust.

Nino rolled his eyes and held up a moderately embroidered vest - it was slightly over-the-top for a simple trip through town, but at least Adrien would only look like a pretentious fop and not a cross-dressing madman.

"Oh, believe me," He replied, deadpan, as Adrien reluctantly took the pants from his grasp, "you were doing that well enough on your own."

After ten minutes of sulking, the former-dragon was finally dressed, and Nino could once again safely look at his friend without his heart rate spiking and his blood rushing south. He felt bad, it's not that Adrien didn't look good in a dress, (quite the contrary in fact) there just wasn't anyway Nino could take him into a human town dressed like a crown-princess and not draw unwanted attention to them both.

"So," pressed Adrien, slinking up to Nino's side and rubbing his head affectionately against the slayer's shoulder, "when will I be allowed to wear one of my dresses?"

He swallowed and tried not to be moved by kitten eyes, "when I take you to a royal gala."

"Will you take me to one of those next week?" Adrien did not seem to understand human personal boundaries, and was treating Nino the same way he would have as a dragon.

It was quite the experience to have an attractive blonde young man, rubbing up against him. "Those don't just happen all the time, Dude. You'll have to wait till the royals throw one, and I need to be invited."

"So when you get invited, you will take me?" He finally backed off much to Nino's relief and stumbled on the gold, still adjusting to his new human legs.

"Yeah sure, man. As soon as I get an invitation, you and me, we'll totally go." Nino pulled off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose, and exhaled. _I'll get that invite like, never. _

0000

Taking a dragon in disguise to a human town proved to be its own adventure.

Adrien was certainly friendly enough, and much to Nino's surprise, he respected the personal boundaries of complete strangers. Most of them at least. Adrien shook their hands, waved, and smiled at everyone, but never once did he rub up against them the way he so frequently did to him.

Nino was proud, albeit a little confused and endeared that Adrien's affection seemed reserved exclusively for him.

The dragon was careless with his money, spending it like a noblemen, and sparing a gold coin or two for every beggar that approached them. Not that he didn't have the wealth to do so, Adrien was richer than almost any King this side of the mountains. But his generous and frivolous nature was starting to draw attention, and attention would undoubtedly draw trouble.

It was well after lunch when Adrien's odd behavior finally caught up with them.

"Look Nino! Chickens!"

Before Nino could even comprehend what Adrien had shrieked, he was off scattering a flock of live chickens through the streets, under the hooves of horses, and between the startled passerby. A cloud of feathers filled the air, that had Adrien sniffling, and sneezing despite himself.

"Adrien!" Nino hissed, trying to discreetly reign in the dragon. "Stop that."

His cries were completely ignored, and Adrien was now crouched with his sharp teeth bared, closing in on a cornered and very angry rooster. Every few seconds he would sniff, and blink oddly, but continued to inch closer to the enraged fowl.

_He must be hungry. _Nino noted that they hadn't eaten all day. A dragon, who had never eaten at a tavern, would assume that food was collected by hunting.

Already seeing the owner of the chickens charging them with a broom, he grabbed a fistful of Adrien's clothes and hauled him back before he could pounce on the clearly out-matched rooster. If Adrien slaughtered someone else's chicken in the streets... with his mouth, Nino wasn't sure that even he could talk them out of that one. Their only hope would be money at that point. Lots and _lots_ of money.

"Eeep!"

Nino hugged Adrien to his chest, using his thick muscled arms to trap the smaller man safely against him. "We are so sorry," he nodded to the woman with the broom. "My elven friend is new here and very excitable."

"I've never met an elf as unrefined as him," spat the woman. She shook her broom at the men in warning.

"He's a special elf," Nino assured, and held Adrien a little tighter.

Pleased to be called _special, s_uddenly Adrien began rumbling in Nino's embrace. Just plain rumbling, his chest vibrating so intensely that he could feel it in his own. Luckily no one took notice aside from him.

"A _very_ special elf," Nino mumbled to Adrien, the angry woman was already gone and out of earshot. "And we are going to get dinner because I bet you are hungry."

Adrien sneezed and then his strange purring intensified.

0000

They had almost managed the whole day avoiding the woman's clothing shop.

_Almost._

"Nino! Look at those dresses! I don't have any like those!"

_So close._

Even wearing gloves, Nino could feel Adrien's claws digging into his arm when he pulled him along. Both men were stumbling through the front door of the clothing shop before he could so much as protest.

"They're beautiful!" Wide-eyed and full of wonder, Adrien stumbled into the shop like a child in a candy store. He gave everything about him a wide berth, and although he was eager, he tip-toed around like any wrong move could dump over the displays. Clearly in his own mind Adrien was a lot bigger than he actually was in the moment.

He reached a hand out to touch one of the fabrics, and scowled when the gloves prevented him from feeling the texture. Nino came up behind him, realizing what the dragon was about to do and placing a hand over his before he pulled off the glove and exposed his claws in public.

"Dude, we talked about this. You have to wear the gloves," he whispered.

"Can I rub them on my cheek?" Adrien asked and pressed back against the slayer almost on instinct.

_Don't be cute with me! That's not even fair. _Nino felt his ears grow hot from the dragon's nearness and had to fight back the temptation to hug him. "No, that would be rude. Your face could be dirty."

"But these dresses are so lovely I want to know what they feel like before I buy them," he huffed, and eyed the garments with a forlorn expression.

"I could touch them, and tell you what they feel like," Nino offered.

Adrien wrinkled his nose. "With your calloused hands, you would tell me they all feel soft but catch on your fingers. The nuances of fine silks are lost on you."

_Damn dude, ouch. _

"You like silks?" a woman's voice cut into their conversation. Both men turned to see the proprietor approach them, a shorter woman with glossy black hair, tied back into pigtails. She appraised them with intelligent bluebell eyes, and a welcoming smile.

"I love silks," gushed Adrien, finally glad to have someone to share his love of clothing with. He peeled away from Nino's chest and the slayer was surprised at how much he wanted to pull him back. "I love these dresses. They're beautiful and so well made. Do you make them?"

The woman blushed under Adrien's curiosity and praise. "I made all of them," she mumbled loud enough for them to hear.

"I'll buy all of them!" he declared, and made a sweeping motion around the shop.

"W-what!?" The woman was practically floored, stumbling back and catching herself on a display. She looked about thirty second from fainting. "Really? Want you of them all!?"

"_Dude_!" Nino hissed at the dragon through his teeth. "No." He made a grab for his shoulder, hoping that physical contact might reign in his over enthusiastic friend.

"Yes," Adrien dismissed him with a wave of his hand, swatting Nino away and fixing his attention on the proprietor/seamstress. "What's the name of such a talented seamstress?"

_Talk about being a lady-killer. _Nino didn't think Adrien even realized his behavior was borderline flirtatious. He was simply trying to be friendly.

"Uhhhh..." the proprietor seemed to have lost all brain function. She gesticulated about while her cheeks burned a fierce crimson below a spattering of freckles. "I'm a Marinette?"

Adrien seized one of her wildly flailing hands and brought it to his lips like a dandy gentleman. Like a stunned lady, Marinette began to swoon.

"Adrien don't you dare li-" Before Nino could finish his warning, Adrien's long tongue rolled out of his mouth and caressed the back of Marinette's hand leaving a glistening trail of saliva.

Nino knew from experience that _that _tongue felt like getting scrubbed with a hair brush.

Marinette's face dropped, a shiver working its way down her whole body and color draining from her face. Adrien smiled up at her winningly, flashing a full set of fangs under distinctly inhuman eyes. And Nino just buried his face in both hands, praying to the gods for a quick death.

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**If you like this story please don't hesitate to say so. If enough people enjoy this I might write more. **


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